“In our sitting practice, we go to that place of inherent goodness, we find that deep sense of well-being within ourselves, and we become friends with that.” — Cheri Huber, There Is Nothing Wrong With You
I’ve been re-reading this book, and I was so inspired by this part about sitting meditation that I wanted to write it down as a reminder. I never used to understand what Cheri Huber meant by this “deep sense of well-being” because when I first started meditating, I rarely felt that way. I felt agitated, distracted, disappointed. The bottom line was that I (actually, ego) was sitting to get somewhere. My teacher suggested a different perspective. “Why not sit just because it’s time to be with yourself, because it feels good?”
That’s what I’ve been experiencing lately on the cushion. I had a really tough day yesterday, practice-wise, and this morning I was still feeling anxious and beat up. I had what ego perceives as an unresolved issue in my life (a personal interaction left hanging) and I could feel the pull of that issue, the urge to put my attention there.
I’ve had the experience of sitting during such times and finding it so uncomfortable and unpleasant that I wanted to jump off the cushion immediately. But I think because I’ve been experiencing more compassion on the cushion, I knew on some level that it was a refuge. Not as in, I’m running away from my problem and after the sit I’ll have to deal with it again — but rather, I’m sitting with this “problem,” learning to drop it, and through that process comes a different perspective where it may not even be a “problem.”
Cheri says it better in her book: “We’re creating a circle of compassion, and we keep bringing the events of our life into it. If I am troubled and upset about something, I bring it into that still place, and there’s peace there. It just resolves itself. It dissolves.”
